In Defense of Meat Substitutes

One thing that I hate about being vegan is eating lunch at school.  I tend to pack a piece of fruit, and something to microwave--usually a mix of veggies, quinoa, and some kind of fake meat.

"What is that?  Is it chicken?" my students will ask.

And then I have to go through the rigamarole of explaining that while it LOOKS like chicken, it is NOT chicken, because I am vegan.  Which leads to conversations like the following:

Student:  So you don't eat chicken wings?
Me:  No.
Student:  What about chicken noodle soup?
Me:  No.
Student:  Well what about Chicken In A Biscuit crackers?
Me:  No.
Student:  But don't you LIKE meat?  I've seen you eat meat before.  And if you hate meat, why would you bother eating fake meat-flavored meat?

Because here's the thing: I don't hate meat.  If I could have babies with a pulled pork sandwich (preferably a pulled pork sandwich from Outlaw's in Sonora, CA, HOLLA!), I would totally do that.  I didn't become vegan because I hate meat; I became vegan for a lot of other reasons having nothing to do with the taste of burgers, Thanksgiving turkey, or chicken fingers.

That said, there are a lot of awesome fake meats out there!

Lightlife makes a lot of good stuff--their fake Italian sausage is pretty awesome too--but I really like these Mexican-style crumbles added to a jalapeno jack rice cheese quesadilla.  Add some sliced bell peppers and avocado, stick it in the oven, and YUM.

Gardein also makes a ton of awesome stuff.  This is the fake chicken that I take in my lunch almost every single day of the week.  It comes frozen, which is kind of a bummer, but I've gotten really good at snapping them in half on the edge of the kitchen counter to make them fit into my tupperware containers.  I'm a big fan of putting one over the top of quinoa and spinach, then adding a little lemon juice and black pepper.  Gardein also makes pulled pork shred style fake meat, which I have yet to try, because I keep forgetting to look for vegan barbecue sauce.

SO.  Check this shit out.  It's delicious, it's easy to cook, and most of all--it isn't tofu 7 days a week!

Brussels Sprouts Aux Deliciousness

My stepdad is very PFFFFT towards brussels sprouts, in that he will not eat them.  He is coming up to visit me in another few weeks, and I am tempted to feed him this recipe blind-folded and see what he thinks.  Childhood vegetable hatreds be damned!

Date and Garlic Brussels Sprouts
1 lb brussels sprouts, de-stumped and halved
1/2 c. dates, chopped (I just buy the pre-chopped ones; save yourself the trouble!)
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 T olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste

.5) Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.
1) Cut up those sprouts.  It's super easy.  And if any leaves fall off--INCLUDE THOSE.  They are the best part!  They get brown and crispy and awesome!
2)  Mince that garlic.
3)  Add sprouts, garlic, dates (here I am assuming you bought pre-chopped dates; if you didn't, insert step 2.5 and chop up your own dates, silly), olive oil, and salt and pepper into a bowl big enough to allow you to toss things around.  Stir them up!  Mix them well!
4)  Spread evenly on a cookie sheet.  A jelly roll sheet works best, but I've been living with cookie pans for years and nothing bad has happened (yet).
5)  Bake for 5 minutes.  Flip.
6)  Bake for another 6 minutes.
7)  Allow to cool, ever so slightly, and then devour with your mouthhole.

These are addictive, and don't say I didn't warn you.

Shepherd's Pie

Shepherd's pie is a weird thing.  Some people call it cottage pie. Some people put cheese on top; some don't.  I think it really depends on your personal preference, because every version I've ever had was delicious.

My husband makes an epic shepherd's pie; I don't know if this is because he's half-British and has the goodness of shepherd's pie running through his veins, or because he's super capable at throwing together whatever's in the fridge and making into something delicious (or, palatable, which is called the Andrew Special).

Anyway, yesterday I was craving some shepherd's pie, and Andrew wasn't around to make it.  So I veganized it, and here it is:

Shepherd's Pie
For the filling
2 T olive oil
1 onion, chopped
1/2 c. vegetable broth
1 cube vegetable buillion
2 c. frozen mixed vegetables--or, if you feel extra ambitious, fresh chopped carrots / green beans / peas / corn
1 package (12 oz.) SmartGround beef-style crumbles
2 T vegan worcestershire (I used Annie's Natural's version)

For the topping
1 small bag red-skinned potatoes (I fail at how heavy this is; I want to say 1.5 lb, but I'm not sure)
2 T EarthBalance vegan butter
1/2 c. plain soymilk
Salt and pepper to taste
4 green onions, snipped to 1/4-inch pieces
Vegan cheddar cheese (I used Daiya Vegan Cheddar, but you can use whatever's available to you)

For the filling
1)  Heat olive oil; sautee onion until just soft
2)  Add vegetable broth and vegetable bullion; heat and stir until buillion is mostly dissolved
3)  Add mixed vegetables, beef crumbles, and worcestershire.  Heat until all vegetables are thawed / cooked.
4)  Spread into a layer in the bottom of a 9x13 pan

For the topping
1)  Boil potatoes until soft.  DO NOT SKIN!  Dirty mashed potatoes are the best!
2)  Mash potatoes with EarthBalance, soy milk, salt, & pepper.  Make them as lumpy or as un-lumpy as you want.
3)  Mix in green onions.  This is best done with a spoon, as you don't want to bruise the onions.
4)  Spoon potatoes over the top of the veggie mixture in the 9x13 pan.  Spread out smoothly.
5)  Top with cheese in a thin layer.

Bake at 350 for 17-22 minutes.  Leftovers keep in the pan for up to 4 days, though I recommend re-heating on a meal-by-meal basis in a toaster oven.  (We don't own a microwave, so I couldn't tell you how this microwaves.)

Don't Call It A Comeback

Okay, I admit it:  I've pretty much totally sucked at Vegan Blogging for the past month or so.  I'm not going to give you a laundry list of excuses; suffice it to say that between my husband getting a new job in Seattle, going to Seattle to get him somewhat settled, and then returning to Chicago and figure out how to be Living Single (I wish it was that cool), I've been a little bit busy.

BUT ANYWAY!

Today I made a batch of delicious muffins.  It's pretending to be spring here--the sun is out, the sky is blue, and it's a balmy 35 degrees.  As such, I felt like making muffins that indicated the same level of sunniness.  No more heavy spices!  No more pumpkin!  Those things are best left to fall!  BRING ON THE SPRINGTIME MUFFINS!

Blueberry-Corn Muffins
1 c. whole wheat flour
1 c. cornmeal
1 T baking powder
1/2 t salt
1/3 c. sugar
1/2 c. olive oil
3/4 c. soy milk
2 T soy yogurt (I used vanilla)
1 t vanilla extract
Grated zest of 1 large lemon
1 1/4 c. fresh blueberries, rinsed and de-stemmed

1)  Preheat oven to 400F.  Grease either a) 1 12-normal-sized-muffins tin, or b) 1 6-gigantic-muffins tin (I made gigantic muffins, because gigantic muffins make better breakfasts).
2)  In a large bowl, mix together the flour, cornmeal, baking powder, salt, and sugar.
3)  Add all wet ingredients (olive oil, soy milk, soy yogurt, and vanilla).  Mix with a wooden spoon.  Make sure to scrape the bottom a lot--the cornmeal tends to make sneaky dry clumps.
4)  Fold in the blueberries and lemon zest.  Be careful not to overmix and pulverize the blueberries!
5)  Fill each muffin cup 3/4 full.  Bake for 20-25 minutes (normal muffins) or 32-25 minutes (gigantic muffins), or until toothpick inserted in the center of one muffin comes out clean.
6)  Allow to cool 5-10 minutes in tin before removing onto a cooling rack to avoid mushy muffins.

(Recipe sourced from Vegan With a Vengeance by Isa Chandra Moskowitz)

Vegan Tzatziki

Last weekend both my husband and I were off work (a VERY rare occurrence), so we thought we'd cook up a feast couples-style, in the spirit of Valentine's Day.  I was surfing through some recipes before breakfast (mistake!) and suddenly had a hankering for some gyros with all the fixings.

Now.  There is a place very near to our house that sells gyros.  I have been there so often, and ordered the same thing so frequently, that when I go in there and I order The Kate, the cashier and the line cook guys know what I want.  This was pre-veganism, so The Kate is:  a double order of french fries, totally smothered in gyros, lettuce, tomato, and ladles of tzatziki.  You say it sounds gross; I challenge you to try it and still think so.

ANYWAY.  It was with The Kate in mind that I searched out recipes to make faux-gyros, tzatziki, and homemade pitas.  It took most of the afternoon to get everything together...and it was an utter FAIL.  The pitas didn't rise; the gyro meat was pretty MEH.

Really, the only good thing to come out of the whole ordeal was the tzatziki, which was DELICIOUS on Saturday night, and even better the next day.  Plus, it made a ton, so I put it on my lunches for most of this week.

Vegan Tzatziki
12 oz. Tofutti sour cream (or other non-dairy sour cream)
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 T lemon juice
2 tsp red wine vinegar
1 T fresh mint, chopped
1/2 tsp salt
1 large seedless cucumber, grated
Fresh ground pepper to taste

1)  Get out a bowl and a spoon.
2)  Put all of the ingredients in the bowl and mix them with the spoon.
3)  Put this tzatziki on everything and anything within arm's reach.

I think you could also adapt this recipe, and use dill instead of mint.  That's probably what I'll try next time, as the tzatziki of The Kate has dill instead of mint and I like that just fine.

Inspiration (Incidentally, this is where the not-so-great faux gyro recipe is.  I don't really recommend that part.)

The Things I Miss, Part 1

So yesterday, y'all.

Yesterday was a wicked awful day.

Awfulness #1:  I woke up to some disconcerting (though not earth-shatternig or mind-blowing or even especially disappointing) news on the Personal Life Front.

Awfulness #2:  I had to get two fillings at the dentist, which took something like AN HOUR AND A HALF!  And oh!  I get to go back on Wednesday and GET TWO MORE!

Awfulness #3:  A student stole my iPhone out of my lunch bag.

VALENTINE'S JOY ALL AROUND!

Back to the main point:  I picked up some of those Cadbury Mini-Eggs (aka the best Easter candy EVER) for my husband (like a good wife, albeit one who buys candy out of context on the wrong holidays).  And man oh man, after the day I had today, DID I WANT TO EAT SOME.  With the passion of a thousand suns, did I want to scarf down some of those Mini-Eggs.

I miss milk chocolate.  I miss it a lot.  I think this is only one in a series of things that I am going to find out that I am sad to have given up.  For now, let's just say: Veganism Means No Milk Chocolate, Which Is A Sad Thing.

If you're vegan, what do you miss the most?  OR, if you aren't vegan but you were to go vegan, what do you THINK you'd miss the most?

Animal Rights

If you were considering becoming vegan for animal rights reasons, I support that.  Do it!  Cows are sweet things with soft noses!  Chickens are cuddlier than one would think!  Pigs are—and, if you have heard me talk about my dog, even though he is a dog, you know this—TOTALLY ADORABLE!

BUT.  Okay.  Tonight I made the decision to check out PETA.com, just to see what was out there.  PLEASE NOTE: I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PETA PEOPLE!  I get irritated when they throw flour / pie filling / tofu all over people!  It seems very silly!

BUT. I made it through a minute and a half of a video about pig slaughter before I started crying and had to stop watching.

It’s one thing to think, “bacon is a tasty thing that smells good!”  Bacon smells delicious, I won’t lie; every other time I’ve broke The Veganism, it was for bacon.  It’s quite another to think, “bacon is a tasty thing that smells good, and it comes from sad, sad pigs!”

Investigate factory farming.  Not only for the welfare of the animals you’re eating, but for your OWN welfare (because honestly, the truth is kinda gross).  If you have a Netflix subscription, FOOD, INC. is a great documentary and it’s available to stream. When I think about how I used to buy Perdue chicken breasts at a buy-one-get-one-free rate at Jewel, I sort of want to puke.

Caveat: If you’re a lucky self-sustaining duck and you only eat eggs / chickens that you grew yourself, HEY! YOU WIN! THAT IS A-OK!  If I had the area to do a Chicken Thing, I probably would.

Also, we should get together.  I really want to own a goat so that it can a) eat my lawn and b) let me milk it for c) cheese purposes.  With our powers combined, we could make an omelet!

(Which I won’t eat.  Because I hate goat cheese.)

Date-Walnut-Banana-Pumpkin Muffins

I've been on a big muffin kick lately. The problem with that is, it's not like I can bop into Jewel on my way to work and pick something up. So, I was forced to find a muffin recipe.

When we were vegan back in 2007, I baked two things: a birthday cake for Andrew, and some cranberry-orange muffins. Both were...not good. The birthday cake was super-crumbly; the muffins had the delicate texture of granite. Thus, I kind of figured that these muffins would suck and I'd eat them anyway, but not enjoy it.

WRONG! They're awesome! And they don't scream VEGAN THESE ARE VEGAN OOH LOOK. I bet you could give them to the meat-and-potatoes dude in the cubicle next to you and he would NEVER KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.



Vegan Date-Walnut-Banana-Pumpkin Muffins
1 1/2 c. whole wheat flour
1 c. rolled oats (not the quick-cooking kind!)
1/2 c. brown sugar
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. cinnamon*
1/2 tsp. nutmeg*
1/4 tsp. cloves*
1 c. chopped dates
1 c. chopped walnuts
1 vegan egg (1 heaping tbsp. ground flaxseed + 1/4 c. water)
3/4 c. soy / rice / almond milk
1/3 c. applesauce
1 tsp. vanilla
1 banana, mashed
3/4 c. canned pumpkin

1) Preheat oven to 400.
2) Make your vegan egg by mixing together the flaxseed & water; allow to stand for 5 minutes.
3) Mix together flour, oats, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and spices in a large mixing bowl.
4) Mix in dates and walnuts. Making sure that the dates / walnuts are covered in flour mixture keeps them from sinking to the bottom of the muffins!
5) Add soy milk, applesauce, vanilla, banana, and pumpkin. Mix thoroughly!
6) Distribute into oiled muffin pans. This made enough batter for 6 regular-sized and 6 jumbo-sized muffins, so it will probably yield 18 regular-sized muffins.
7) Bake for 20-22 minutes. Jumbo muffins will take longer.
8) Remove from muffin pans after cooling for 5 minutes to avoid sogginess!

*These amounts are totally up to you, really. I really like super-spiced-up stuff, so I definitely added more. PLUS, it turned out that the pumpkin I bought was actually that "just-add-eggs-and-milk-for-a-pumpkin-pie" stuff, which is ALREADY SPICED. Add spice until it tastes good to you.

Source (with tweaks!)

Things To Know If You're Vegan (Now With Edit!)

So, the vegan thing. (I caved on caffeine. After the past two weeks, where I have had to spend every working moment in the presence of my crazy-ass students (whom I love, but who make me feel like I need a nap), I realized that being half-asleep and cranky was not going to cut it. So. I'm drinking tea, not coffee, which I guess is at least SOMETHING.)

I was thinking it would just be a February thing, but:
1) It's really not that difficult.
2) I'm trying new recipes, which is good because I was in a Food Rut.
3) I definitely FEEL better.
4) I am reading Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. And...yeah. I can't decide if I'm glad I know what slaughterhouses are like and how the meat processing system in the US works, or if this is one of those "ignorance is bliss" kinds of things. Because I LOVE animals. I coo over all animals, from hippos to goats to naked mole rats to cows to platypuses (platypi?). I love them and I want them to come live in my bathtub. As such, I feel like a Really Bad Person to know that I am participating / helping to fund / supporting such a mean, sad, cruel industry. For instance: did you know that many egg-producing chickens labeled "free range" are still de-beaked very early on in their lives and that "free range" can still mean a sad, sad pen, and not the pretty sunshiney green field pictured on the egg carton / that you were picturing? Ain't that some PETA shit?! WHEN DID I BECOME ONE OF THOSE OBNOXIOUS PEOPLE? And yeah, I could buy organic meats and eggs and milks from family farms, but a) I can't really afford it, and b) I don't value meats / eggs / cheeses / milks that much. I mean, I can do without them.

So. In all my infinite I-Have-Been-Vegan-Like-Three-Times-Now wisdom, here are some ponderances:

Strawberry Pop-Tarts are vegan. Re-read that. Seriously. I'm not fucking with you. When we were vegan in CA a few years ago, we used to get stoned and spend like $5 in quarters buying package after package of strawberry Pop-Tarts out of the vending machine in Boystown and then smashing them into our mouthholes.

Don't limit yourself to tofu. I mean, you can if you want, but it gets old. Seitan, tempeh, textured vegetable protein (TVP) and the like are your pals. Branch out! Try some new shiz!

Make a whole whack of rice / quinoa at one time. Use as needed. It's not like it's hard to make either of these things, but boiling rice every day is bleh and tedious.

While most products have a disclaimer below their ingredients list that says "CONTAINS MILK INGREDIENTS" or whatever, not all of them do. Read carefully if there is no disclaimer. Make sure you know what alternate names animal ingredients have. Example: whey protein = milk = not vegan.

Soy cheese is, for real, not that bad. I don't recommend eating it by itself, unless you are either a) stoned or b) really craving some freaking cheese, but melted on pizza or on a sandwich--it's pretty decent.

Lots of things are easy to veganize. Example: the muffins I made yesterday. They could have been easily made with milk and eggs, but once you sub in soy milk and vegan eggs (I use 1 heaping tbsp milled flaxseed and 1/4 c. water per needed egg), it's not so bad. This goes for pretty much anything you bake, pancakes, waffles, etc.

Also, lots of things are surprisingly vegan. See the aforementioned strawberry Pop-Tarts. Grocery shopping the first few times will take you a million years because of all the label-reading, but once you figure out what is vegan and what you like and where to find it, it's really not that hard.

That said, eating out is a pain in the ass. It just IS, unless you are at a vegan restaurant or at a place that is kind enough to say VEGAN on the menu. You WILL be That Person asking a ton of questions. It's okay. Get used to it. Your server will totally forget about being irritated by you once you a) leave them a good tip (which you should do anyway) and b) leave the restaurant and are replaced by a tableful of even MORE annoying people. Plus, there are actually a lot of more-than-halfway-decent vegetarian / vegan restaurants out there. Hop on Yelp! ad you'll be surprised.

I think seitan is pronounced "satan," and if that is the case, that is hilarious. When you are eating lunch and someone asks what you are having, and you say, "I am having satan and rice and this nice kiwi," you will get some serious side-eyes and it's funny.

Stock up on frozen veggies. Chopping is tedious.

I'm kicking myself, because I bought these meat substitute deals to pack in my lunches last week and for the life of me, I can't remember the name of them. I will figure it out when I get home. Anyway, these things are GREAT. I've been packing a layered combination of quinoa, spinach, and one of these meat thingys, which also come with SAUCE. Microwave for 2 minutes and voila! Easy! You will not miss chicken!

***EDIT**** The company is called Gardein and they make a TON of stuff. So far I've tried both the Santa Fe Good Stuff and the Tuscan Breasts, and both are SUPER GOOD.

You don't need as much protein as you probably think you do. And don't overdo the protein and then underdo the vegetables / fruits, because then you will be constipated and YIKES.

I guess vitamin B12 isn't found naturally in plant sources, so get yourself a good multivitamin. OR: drink those 5 Hour Energy things, because one serving of that mess contains 8333% of your RDA of B12.

Get yourself a good vegan cookbook. I highly recommend anything and everything by Isa Chandra Moskowitz; I got Vegan With a Vengeance for my birthday a few years ago and it's full of good, easy, cheap-to-make eats.